The Original Quote:
宰我问：“三年之丧，期已久矣！君子三年不为礼，礼必坏；三年不为乐，乐必崩。旧谷既没，新谷既升，钻燧改火，期可已矣。”子曰：“食夫稻，衣夫锦，于女安乎？”曰：“安！”“女安则为之！夫君子之居丧，食旨不甘，闻乐不乐，居处不安，故不为也。今女安，则为之！”宰我出，子曰：“予之不仁也！子生三年，然后免于父母之怀。夫三年之丧，天下之通丧也，予也有三年之爱于其父母乎！”
Zǎi Wǒ wèn: “Sān nián zhī sāng, qī yǐ jiǔ yǐ! Jūnzǐ sān nián bù wéi lǐ, lǐ bì huài; sān nián bù wéi yuè, yuè bì bēng. Jiù gǔ jì méi, xīn gǔ jì shēng, zuān suì gǎi huǒ, qī kě yǐ yǐ.” Zǐ yuē: “Shí fū dào, yī fū jǐn, yú nǚ ān hū?” Yuē: “ān!” “Nǚ ān zé wéi zhī! Fū jūnzǐ zhī jū sāng, shí zhǐ bù gān, wén yuè bù lè, jū chù bù ān, gù bù wéi yě. Jīn nǚ ān, zé wéi zhī!” Zǎi Wǒ chū, Zǐ yuē: “Yǔ zhī bù rén yě! Zǐ shēng sān nián, ránhòu miǎn yú fùmǔ zhī huái. Fū sān nián zhī sāng, tiānxià zhī tōng sāng yě, Yǔ yě yǒu sān nián zhī ài yú qí fùmǔ hū!”
English Translation:
Zai Wo inquired: "The three-year mourning period is excessively long. If a gentleman neglects ritual for three years, ritual will surely decay; if he neglects music for three years, music will surely crumble. As the old grain is spent and the new grain rises, and the fire-drill changes with the seasons, one year should suffice." The Master replied: "Would you feel at ease, then, to eat fine rice and wear brocade during this time?" Zai Wo answered: "I would." The Master said: "If you feel at ease, then do so. When a gentleman mourns, he finds no sweetness in delicacies, no joy in music, no comfort in his dwelling—thus he refrains. Since you feel at ease, go ahead." After Zai Wo departed, the Master remarked: "How devoid of benevolence is Yu! A child is born and only after three years escapes the parents' embrace. Thus three years of mourning is the universal practice under Heaven. Did Yu not receive three years of love from his parents?"
Key Concepts Explained:
- Ren (仁): Benevolence or human-heartedness, the core virtue in Confucianism, here reflecting genuine emotional reciprocity in filial relationships.
- Li (礼): Ritual propriety, the formalized social and ceremonial practices that cultivate inner virtue and maintain social harmony.
- An (安): Ease or inner peace, a key criterion for moral action—Confucius judges Zai Wo's response by whether it brings genuine emotional comfort.
- Xiao (孝): Filial piety, the foundational virtue of respecting and caring for parents, expressed here as heartfelt gratitude rather than mere formality.
Cultural Context:
This passage from the Analects (17.21) addresses the tension between ritual form and inner sincerity. The three-year mourning period, rooted in ancient Zhou practices, symbolized the child's early dependence on parental care. Confucius prioritizes emotional authenticity over rigid adherence, yet insists that true filial piety naturally manifests as prolonged grief. Historically, this debate influenced later Chinese mourning reforms, where "heart-mourning" (xin sang) emerged as a spiritual alternative to lengthy rites. The text remains a cornerstone for understanding Confucian ethics as a system of reciprocal love, not empty ceremony.